The class I attended Saturday was Christ and the Synoptic Gospels. As we discussed the material we read, the teacher was also showing us pictures from his trip to Jerusalem. It was neat to be able to put together some of the places we had read about in the Gospels with the images he was showing.
We got to a point where we were talking about The Wedding At Cana, where Jesus turned water into wine and he showed the below image (similar).
The above is believed to be one of the water jugs from the same time period as the wedding. The teacher was reading us the passage and we discussed it a bit but something he said stuck out to me. He said “It was in the participation of those men to go get the jugs, fill them and bring them back”. They didn’t know why they were filling them, but they did. It must’ve taken a few of them to carry at least one of these jars, so it was definitely a group effort. John 2:6: “Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons.”
But, they did it. They took the jars, filled them and brought them back to Jesus.
I don’t know why this has stuck out in my mind like it did. I think it’s because there was a lot of inconvenience to go get these jars and fill them up. They weren’t told that the water they put in the jars was going to be turned into wine, but they did it. They participated. They were obedient to what they were told to do.
We are going to do hard things. There are going to be those moments where we don’t want to obey and we want to stay at the wedding. But, when Jesus tells us to “fill the jars with water”, we should “fill them to the brim.” (John 2:7).
For me, walking the path I’m on, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that I would be faced with hard realities and challenges. I have a tendency to quit hard things, to quit things that make me uncomfortable “because I can”. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. I’ve known my whole life that God has called me to do something, and no– I have no clue of what the outcome will be. I’ve been so busy focusing on the inconvenience or “red tape”, that I’ve allowed the devil to drop these microscopic doubts in my head. One by one. “You can’t do this.” “How do you know this isn’t a waste of time?” “How do you KNOW He’s even real?” “This could all be for nothing.” “You aren’t intelligent enough to do this. You don’t speak like they do.” (fyi, big words mean nothing)…. In addition to that, also thoughts of comparison. Lies. Downright lies. It’s exhausting. My heart is completely broken at the time I have wasted (and have been currently wasting) on those doubts.
It’s almost like a wound that needs to heal properly. You fall, skin your knee. And then if you’re a sicko, like most of us are, you pick and pick at that scab. And then– it has to start healing all over again. Sometimes you need intervention in order to allow that wound to heal properly. Is this my intervention?
I’ve had multiple conversations with some very respected people this week. Each time I admitted where I was at, it didn’t get easier to say. In fact, the tears came faster and my chest pounded harder. It’s not fun to share your most personal feelings with others and honestly, up until this point, I’d say I’m pretty great at the sharing part. But, I’m glad I’ve been able to surround myself with people who don’t judge my doubt and who understand that this is normal.
It’s in the participation. I’ve always said that I’m going to keep going down this path until God slams the door closed. And even when I slam it closed myself, He makes sure to keep a window open….
Keller&Kind 